When I mean by what I said about her true colors, is that my mom really showed to the family how disappointed she was in me for the first Christmas of my fatherhood.

     Mt grandpa’s sister used to have Christmas every year at her house. The family would all end up at her house by the end of the day to visit and catch up on what had happened over the year. We are not a close family, but we all enjoy each other’s company. I wish things had been different, but this is how it is.

     I arrived at the house with my baby and new wife about an hour before my mom showed up. We knew she would show up, we just didn’t know how she would react to us and the baby.

     We were all gathered in the basement eating food, drinking, playing cards, pool and visiting. As my mom arrived with my stepdad, they came in through the back door and walked straight down to say hello to everyone.

     My great-aunt said to everyone “here comes the proud grandma now” and everyone was happy for her…for a split second.

     Upon the comment from by great-aunt my mom promptly replies “I am not a grandma” as she made her way over to the side of the basement we were all standing. This just ultimately tore my heart out.

     How could she still have feelings like this? How could she be in such denial? Look! Things happen. She didn’t fail as a mother. It’s like she is taking this situation to heart. It’s over and done with. People have all moved on. People all love the baby. What’s the big deal now?

     After her rude comment, she was kind of scolded by her aunts for having this attitude and she put up a good argument supporting her feelings. They were very disappointed in her. But that is who she was once she married her husband. The mother I used to be close with, and who supported eveything I did changed just 3 short years earlier.

     From this Christmas of ’93, I knew she had sealed the way things would be from then on. I had tried in the following years at times to forgive and forget and try to move on, but with such a mental blow from someone who I used to confide in and someone who I had hoped would finally turn her attitude around, it would never be.

     Yeah, I did go to her house to visit with my new family, but there was always tension. Always a feeling of how good it would be to have my kids see their grandma, but it just was a numb feeling, and an anxious feeling to just get out of there and run.


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September 2019
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