We went up to northern Michigan to spend a few days alone. My wife at the time and I were to be alone, talk out our problems, and try to rekindle our marriage. Why I decided to go? I don’t know. Maybe I thought it would work out, that we could work out. But I was sabotaging the who reason we went up there.

     I did that by sneaking away and calling the girl in Nebraska. I called to tell her what we were doing, to see how she was, and to make my own life miserable. I didn’t do this on purpose, I did it on accident.

     I was in a mental fog. I didn’t know what I wanted. I knew that I was on the cusp of really destroying my life. I just could not think clearly. I was wanting too much from my wife at the time, but I felt I was getting that from the Nebraska girl, who I met in person just a month before this trip.

     I was acting like a fool and I could not get out of the fog I was in. It was like I was driving in a heavy fog with the gas pedal all the way to floor and my hands on my lap. I had no control over what I was doing because I was so wrapped up in trying to make myself happy no matter the cost.

     The only thing I knew, was that I could really mess up my life. I felt that my kids were young enough that they would not be affected by what might happen to their parent’s marriage. We were both good parents to them. So I knew that no matter what happened, they would be ok.

     My wife at the time caught me on the phone, for what would be her last time. I was outside in the parking lot talking to the Nebraska girl. Stupid me didn’t realize that our room faced the car in the lot. I was all turned around in the hotel that I didn’t know how the room sat.

     When I came back up to the room, she accused me of being on the phone. I admitted that I was and I admitted who I was on the phone with. She did not cry. She did not get mad. I think she knew that no matter what happened, no matter how hard she tried, this marriage was about to be ended. She knew I was emotionally out.

     We went home the next day as planned. My wife at the time said she wanted to see a marriage counselor. I was not going for that. I told her there was no reason for it. But she wanted to, to see if we could save this marriage.

     We went a week after our trip. It was nothing at all what I had expected. I also did not realize how one-sided these people can be.


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May 2019
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