Archive for the 'love' Category


     I think I may have walked into his room too fast. Too fast to prepare myself for what I had gone there for. It’s as if I purposely threw myself into his room as if I was peeling a band-aid off real fast.

     When I walked into my Grandpa’s room, I saw him laying in his bed. Sleeping. His mouth open, breathing in air, and exhaling. In a rhythmnic way. He had an eye half open, the other was closed. It was as if he was watching the room, but yet he appeared to be asleep, like I remember him sleeping on his favorite chair in the livingroom of his house when I was a kid.

     My grandpa was a big, strong man. Wide shoulders, thick arms, solid body and head full of hair. Not in recent years. Especially not today. Grandpa is all bones now. I had just seen him a couple days earlier. He was thin, of course, but certainly not like this. I don’t know how, but it’s as if he lost even more weight.

     He lay on his bed, in a sack of skin and bones. His ribs clearly outlined in his button-down flannel shirt. His pelvis was visible, as he was holding the bottom of his shirt in his soft fists. His hands were bruised from ivies and shots he received from the past few weeks. Those bruises never healed. His hands, which were big and thick and strong, have given in to age, and deterioration of health, were not my Grandpa’s hands anymore. He is not himself anymore. His age and his dying body now has the best of him.

     My Grandpa lived a healthy, long life. My Grandma passed away just under three years ago. My Grandpa is the last of his generation in my family. He outlived his brothers and sister. He was one of the oldest in his family, and he lived the longest. I think my Grandma has alot to do with it. She kept him in line. She kept him eating healthy. She kept his heart and his affection. She was his beloved wife. She took care of him.

     As I write this, I am saddened that he passed away a few hours ago. I started to write this last night, but could not finish. I loved my Grandpa and my Grandma very much. I wish I had spent more time with them than I did. But I spent alot of time with them nontheless. I have loads of fond memories of times with them. Now they are gone. It’s strange that I lived as long as I have with Grandparents. Most of my friends lost their’s long ago.

     Now they are in a better place. Reunited with loved ones. I know they are having fun. I know they are giving each other those kisses that made me feel funny to see. And I know the family will be ok. Because they will watch over us all, and all will be fine.


My Story…Part 63

     I eventually moved in with my girlfriend. We had made things work so well that it just felt right. We tested the waters a lot of times, mainly one week over Easter break in 2006.

     She had stayed at my house the entire week. We went to work, and hung out at the house. She stayed the entire week, sleeping, showering, eating. What I am trying to say is she never went back to her place.

     It was a fun week. We really didn’t know what to expect. But it worked. It seemed to always work from then on, too.

     We moved into an apartment a month after my divorce. Our kids all got along, which made this whole arrangement the easier, and proved that this was a good thing.

     On the other hand, my girlfriend and I kept getting threatening calls and emails, and texts from the beast. She didn’t like the fact we were together and she was trying everything to get us to break.

     We didn’t.

     She even had her boyfriend try to get to us, which we thought was a joke. He was always quick to flick me the finger, or talk some kind of shit through the phone.

     My response to him, who was about 6 years younger than beast, was to go do another line, or shoot up in another vein, or do another shot.

     It was always the way my girlfriend and I could defend ourselves after getting harassed to the point where we shot insults back.

     After living with my girlfriend for about 6 months, we got engaged and within 2 weeks got married at a courthouse. We did it as a secret.

     We did not tell anyone. Friends, family, co-workers, nobody knew. They all knew we were engaged and had planned a summer wedding, but had no clue we were thinking of sneaking off and getting married like we did.

     It took about a week and a half before my wife had spilled the beans on accident to her mother. Thankfully her mom was very happy, surprised, but happy for us.

     Everyone else we told were surprised, also. They all liked my wife, and had thought she was a good woman for me. They all said that I needed a good wife, who had respect, and was fun and loving, and that I had finally found her.

     They also told me not to fuck this marriage up. Along with them, I knew how good of a thing I had going.

My Story…Part 62

     I left the court house and I headed directly back to my girlfriend’s house, where she lived at home with her mom. I noticed that, tail grabbing my ass, was Sista Beast, beast, and youngest beastlet in the back.

     I thought to myself, why would anyone bring a crowd to the court house then have them wait in the car, especially your kid? But then, this is the beast’s way of thinking. It’s fucked up, and that is all there is to it.

     When I arrived at my girlfriend’s house, she was outside waiting for me. I had called her on my cell to inform her of this situation. When I pulled in the driveway, the fireworks began.

     I got out of my Jeep and they stopped in the street, rolled down the window, and began to yell the most ridiculous things at us. Remember that my girlfriend was her friend, so they were both a little mad.

     But why?

     The yelled all kinds of dirty language, and threatened us and told us we would be dead, to not get caught by the Sista Beast anywhere or we were dead. Keep in mind, Sista Beast is a very healthy, well fed mammal.

     She stands about 5′ 8″ and tips the scales at around a good 250. She never has worn any kind of makeup to cover her pale skinned, zit-scarred, face that’s as wide as it is long. Her hair has not seen ANY shampoo in who knows how long, so it’s just a big, oily mess.

     And as for her clothes? I don’t even wanna go there. Let’s just say I would hate to be the washing machine once her panties (I almost gagged) are thrown inside and clang the bottom. When she pulls them off, I bet it has the same sound effect as a brown paper bag getting crumpled up.

     Well anyway, these two moronic bitches with a 5 year old girl in the back are threatening us and using horrible language. My girlfriend and I called 911 and upon the phone hitting our ear to talk, they finally drive away.

     We didn’t really call, we faked it, just to make them leave.

     But this was to be the kind of shit my girlfriend I would have to deal with for the next year. We got phone calls, emails, messages left on our MySpace, until we started to block beast from getting to us.

     We ignored all the threats and decided to move in together, a month after the divorce. Our relationship was clicking, and I was totally in love with this girl. I felt like the luckiest man alive, and I felt like I had finally found true love. THIS is what it’s all about!!

Arguing With My Wife

     This day was such a ridiculous day, and it peaked with an argument with my wife about stupid dinner.

     We have had a house full of kids all day today, and she decided on lunch. We are both tired of fast food, so I went to the store and bought what she wanted, so we could make lunch.

     This evening, dinner came. She started to ask what I wanted. I told her I had no clue, then I made the fatal mistake of nodding off for half an hour.

     When I awoke, my lovely wife was irritated and told me that since she chose lunch, it was my turn to pick dinner.

     I had no clue what I wanted, so I talked her into coming to the store with me to help decide. The reason I didn’t buy this earlier was because she told me to just get the lunch food and we will cross the dinner bridge when we get to it.

     Well this bridge was a monster! We get to the store, we can’t decide. The kids put in a request for hot dogs and Velveeta macaroni. At first we shot the idea down. The next thing I know, after several suggestions on my part, she tosses hot dogs and buns into the cart.

     We check out, load the truck up and drive away. The following  conversation takes place:

    Her: Well this dinner is gonna suck. I guess I’ll starve.

    Me: What are you talking about? You put that shit into the cart. I suggested to barbecue something. But you said that was a stupid idea because it’s zero degrees outside.

     Her: Yeah! Who the hell does that in cold weather? And you wanted pork chops and I don’t like them.

     Me: Well you liked the last time I made them.

     Her: Well I hope you enjoy dinner tonight. I hate hot dogs. I guess I’ll just starve.

     This is where I snap. I wish I could be less of an asshole in times like this. We have been fighting all weekend long, and I have been trying to keep my cool, when I blow up.

     Me: Fine! Starve! And I refuse to feel sorry for you when we are all eating and your not. I can make you something we have in the freezer.

     Her: I don’t want that shit.

     Me: Fuck it then. I offered. We even came to the store. You could have picked something that you wanted. You didn’t. So you are starving on your own. It’s your fault.

     Her: You don’t have to be an asshole about it. I asked you what you wanted earlier and you wanted to sleep.

     Me: What’s the difference between talking about it then or walking around and talking about it while we shop for it?

     Her: Because I don’t wanna walk around and talk. I want to come here already knowing what we are getting.

     Me: Whatever. It’s all on you.

     I eventually threw her something together to eat. But it was a half-ass dinner. The kids and I ate like royalty if you consider hot dogs and Velveeta macaroni royalty food.

     I just hope that tomorrow is a better day. This fighting may be caused by the snow storm and us being locked up in the house.

Vasectomy Reversal Recovery Moving Along Well

     It has been 11 days since I had got my vasectomy reversed. I know I wrote about it in an earlier post, but I want to get into how this is going so far.

     The first few days I was tender, I admit. It was a tender sensation on and in the bag. The ropes that hold things up were what I was feeling.

     The 4th day was the day I had to begin ejaculating. I was instructed by the doctor to do that at least every other day. He also joked and said if I felt up to it, I could do so every day. This is to wash out the old, stagnant sperm and replenish them with newer, hopefully more acive, ones.

     When I finally did ejaculate that morning, it felt as though I was shooting a golf ball through a garden hose. it did not hurt, but I could practically feel the whole journey my sperm took. There was also a hint of pinkish in my “output”. I called and found out that was normal.

     Later that day I felt a little pain. I took it easy and laid on the couch and took more Vicodin and was hoping this was not a bad sign. I began to get delusions of the “patchwork” the doctor did had blown apart. But all ended up being well.

     My scrotum had turned some nice shades of purple and blue in small areas near my body. The bruising is natural. This was the same day I had stopped using my whitey tighties and got back into my boxers.

     What a relief! I felt better and then the boys began to feel better.

     I have been keeping up with my doctor’s orders on a daily basis. My wife is a good sport and participates most of the time, the other times she leaves the room and lets me “work out the juices”. All this is kinda like a free pass, since I actually do have a mission, and I get to enjoy myself along the way, with my wife or not. He He!

     And one more thing before I wrap this up. Remember in Superman 2 (I believe it was) when he gave up his powers and transformed into a human? I kinda felt like him.

     When my wife I had sex for the first time after the surgery, I felt like I had transformed into something I never thought I would ever be again, FERTILE! I felt like I was a different man. I felt like this was a good thing that I did, and I hope all this pays off in the end. It’s all worth it!

A Small Visual Into My Little World

     Well I am not the most technically advanced person. I fiddle around with things here and there, and one of those things just happens to be the media icon for blogs.

     I have seen many other bloggers upload pictures and display them in their posts, so I just figured I would see how it goes. This is a trial run. Let me know what you all think.

                                     My ’72 Olds Cutlass
                      Some bum and his beautiful wife
     Now that I am thinking of this, maybe I will do a few more posts in the near future with pictures in them. This isn’t really that hard to do. But it is a little weird giving the whole wide world a visual in my own little world.

Vasectomy Reversal Recovery Time

     It has been 4 days since I had had my vasectomy reversed. I am in a little bit of pain still, but I believe I am through the worst of it.

     The procedure went fine and according to the doctor it was successful. He said his last couple reversals were difficult and he was thinking he was due for an easy one, and I was it, the easy one. Whew!

     The nurse gave me Xanax upon my arrival and within 20 minutes almost all my nerves were calmed down. I was extremely nervous about having this. But I calmed down, and then they took me to the room where I was to have the surgery.

     They had me remove my pants and put on my brand new whitey tighties and have those down to my ankles. This was to make it easier to pull back up when I was finished. I laid down on the table and turned on my iPod and I tried to fall asleep. I never did sleep, but I was really relaxed.

     The doctor gave me 3 shots, one directly into my scrotum, the other two went right into my “supply lines” of my testes. I would be lying if I said those shots didn’t hurt. They did. Then I was numb and the doctor was on his way.

     He did my left side first, then he did my right side. I was out of there in an hour and a half. No big deal. My wife drove home, we had pizza, I ate a couple of Vicodin and I was out for the rest of the night.

     Saturday I felt alot better, little pain. Sunday I felt even better, with a little pain and Monday even better, pain almost gone. I called the doctor and asked if I had to wait the 4 days before I ejaculated. He said no if I felt up to it. The ejaculation is to clean out the dormant sperm, and to get the juices flowing through the lines, to open them up and let sperm pass through. It’s been almost 6 years since my sperm have traveled this road.

     After ejaculating, I had a little pain in my lines. There was also a faint pink color. I called the doctor and he said that is natural. I am healing and there may be a hint of blood in my sperm. Only if I see more blood or experience more pain do I need to call him and come back in.

     For now, I am still laying around. I have watched so much tv, sports, movies, news and taken alot of naps due to the Vicodin. I am not quite ready to take on the world just yet because it looks like we have alot of snow out there, and who wants to go out there if you don’t have to. I’ll send my wife!!

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July 2018
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