Archive for the 'marriage' Category

Connecticut Dreamin’

     I have always wanted to move to Connecticut. For as long as I can remember, the east coast, eastern states look and feel and thought has always been very appealing to me.

     I have never been there, though. I have never been to somewhere that I would love to move to. I have this idea in my head about how Connecticut looks, how it feels, the weather, the people, the lifestyle, the communities. It seems so attractive to this Mid-Western boy, that I have even went as far as gathered information on housing, and jobs. But that was over ten years ago.

     I have seen movies, television shows, news and I have seen pictures on the internet and throughout my life of Connecticut, that have me wanting to move there. I believe everyone has their place they want to live, where they think they belong, and I know mine is Connecticut.

    Ten years ago, when I had seriously looked into moving there, I had decided that it just would not work out. I was established, here in Michigan, with my family, friends, and job. But maybe one day, when my bank account is stuffed, when my kids are grown, and when my wife and I start to hit the twilight of our lives, I may travel over there to see and feel, and realize that my Connecticut dream would be nothing but that, a dream.



     I think I may have walked into his room too fast. Too fast to prepare myself for what I had gone there for. It’s as if I purposely threw myself into his room as if I was peeling a band-aid off real fast.

     When I walked into my Grandpa’s room, I saw him laying in his bed. Sleeping. His mouth open, breathing in air, and exhaling. In a rhythmnic way. He had an eye half open, the other was closed. It was as if he was watching the room, but yet he appeared to be asleep, like I remember him sleeping on his favorite chair in the livingroom of his house when I was a kid.

     My grandpa was a big, strong man. Wide shoulders, thick arms, solid body and head full of hair. Not in recent years. Especially not today. Grandpa is all bones now. I had just seen him a couple days earlier. He was thin, of course, but certainly not like this. I don’t know how, but it’s as if he lost even more weight.

     He lay on his bed, in a sack of skin and bones. His ribs clearly outlined in his button-down flannel shirt. His pelvis was visible, as he was holding the bottom of his shirt in his soft fists. His hands were bruised from ivies and shots he received from the past few weeks. Those bruises never healed. His hands, which were big and thick and strong, have given in to age, and deterioration of health, were not my Grandpa’s hands anymore. He is not himself anymore. His age and his dying body now has the best of him.

     My Grandpa lived a healthy, long life. My Grandma passed away just under three years ago. My Grandpa is the last of his generation in my family. He outlived his brothers and sister. He was one of the oldest in his family, and he lived the longest. I think my Grandma has alot to do with it. She kept him in line. She kept him eating healthy. She kept his heart and his affection. She was his beloved wife. She took care of him.

     As I write this, I am saddened that he passed away a few hours ago. I started to write this last night, but could not finish. I loved my Grandpa and my Grandma very much. I wish I had spent more time with them than I did. But I spent alot of time with them nontheless. I have loads of fond memories of times with them. Now they are gone. It’s strange that I lived as long as I have with Grandparents. Most of my friends lost their’s long ago.

     Now they are in a better place. Reunited with loved ones. I know they are having fun. I know they are giving each other those kisses that made me feel funny to see. And I know the family will be ok. Because they will watch over us all, and all will be fine.

Baby-Making With An IUI

     My wife and I are on a mission to make a baby. I have written, in this blog, all about our experiences during our journey to make a baby. We have had close calls, we had our hopes fade, and we have had disappointments. But then we would try again the following month, repeating this cycle.

     I am going to sum up the journey so far, and to get myself acquainted with what I have written, and not written, to this point.

     Fifteen months ago, I had a vasectomy reversal. It was a good decision because it gave my wife and I the chance to make a baby. We had decided to try right before we got married a year earlier. We were excited and willing to “do the do” on time, every month, like clockwork.

     So I got reversed, and a month later the trying began. Every month, according to my wife’s clock and her calendar and her “piss sticks” and most of all, her say-so, we tried.  It was fun for the first couple months. Then frustration set in. Then it became work. Never had I thought that having sex would be work and I would feel pressured.

     Along the way, I had taken in 3 sperm samples to see what my army of baby-makers were up to. I found out they were there. Plenty of them. Some 20 million of them. But they were slow, almost inactive, but they were there. And that’s what mattered because we were able to keep trying.

     Several months went by and my wife and I got to the point where we weren’t watching the calendar anymore. We were doing the deed when we wanted. We tried to take the pressure off. This didn’t work either.

     We talked to a urologist and got advise on what to try to do to help. This is where he hit us with trying IUI, intrauterine insemination. This is a procedure where, after I produce sperm sample, they take it out, and put it in my wife’s uterus.

     My wife was instructed to pay attention to her ovulation times of the month. She bought a First Response pregnancy kit, where she has to urinate on one and it tells her of her hormonal levels, also known as her LH surge. When it peaks, we are to come into the clinic the following day and they will perform the IUI.

     When her levels are high, she has an egg in her uterus. When the IUI is performed, sperm is shot into the uterus. This procedure, in real easy terms, is putting the boy in the same room as the girl without having him have to walk through the front door, walk down a hallway and enter her room. This procedure skips the journey and puts the boy in the same room immediately.

     This procedure was performed a week and a half ago. We are waiting to see if this works. I hope it does. My beautiful wife hopes it does, too. I know my sperm are slow and lazy. I refer to them as a bunch of fat, lazy kids playing video games while eating licorice. I hope that with them being put in the uterus with her egg will motivate them to move their asses and hook up and get my wife pregnant.

     I hope to have news in the next week or so. Until then, I will treat my wife as if she is “with child” by not letting her do any strenuous chores, although the doctor told her to go about living life the same as usual. But until we know, we will wait.

My Story…Part 66

     I was in contact with the community college for about a month. They called often, visited my house once, and kept saying they were working on this problem. They also said they would kick beast out of the school if they found her at fault.

     I had been through a lot of shit because of the beast. She was a terrible human being. She is just down right mean and extremely vengeful.

     She destroyed my life for a time being, she tried to destroy whatever I had going after I moved away from her, too.

     She also made it well known to me and my new wife, that she had a “happy new life” and she was “living the perfect life with the perfect man”, although he was a drug user and she tried telling us she had helped him clean up and he was on the straight and narrow.

     Karma is a BITCH!!

     My wife was fiddling around on MySpace one day in February ’08, two weeks after the free laptop on Craigslist fiasco, when she discovered that beast’s boyfriend had died.

     He had a job with a delivery company, and he was down in Ohio spending the night on a delivery, where he scored some cocaine and had over-dosed.

     I was shocked, as was my wife, and since beast was such a master of disguising the truth and lying and manipulating, I started to not believe this.

     But upon further research and newspapers, it was confirmed that he had, infact, over-dosed on cocaine in Ohio.

     Beast had never rehabbed him. She told us lies. She was just trying to tell my wife and I that all was well.

     My wife and I never wanted to hear from beast since the divorce. I never wanted to hear or acknowledge her existence since I moved out of the cave. But for some reason she had to keep calling us and emailing us.

     Well because of how much of an evil, manipulative, mean, dirty, vengeful, and deceiving person she has been all her life, karma caught up to her and bit her on the ass.

     I was freaked out when this news had set in, because after all the dirty and mean things she had done to me and my wife, I had said that someday karma would get her, and I said that I wanted to see it, although I knew I never would.

     But when I did, in fact, witness karma, it scared the shit out of me. It does exist and it made me rethink the way I go about my life, because I do not want to be paid back for being unkind to someone or something.

     After this whole thing with him dieing, beast has pretty much laid low. We had received the occasional email here, MySpace view there, and phone calls to the house, but it is no where as near the harassment we used to get.

     It has dwindled off to where my wife and I have pretty much forgotten about her, which is so nice.

     I have been able to rebuild my credit enough to where I just bought a house in July, thank God! And I am STILL rebuilding it with hard work and determination.

     If the rest of my blog has been read, it is known that my wife and I are trying to have a baby, also. Something I never thought I would be doing, but am so happy I am.

     All is well thus far, and I am living the regular, everyday American lifestyle, packed full with our kids, activities, and NO MORE DRAMA!!

     Until more shit comes up, this is it…for now.

My Story…Part 64

     My new wife and I kept on receiving the harassing calls and text messages from the beast. It got to the point where I changed my cell number and thought that I had got rid of her for good.


     I went almost a whole 4 months before she was able to get my new cell number.

     She called my daughters’ school, pretended to be their mom wanting to verify the emergency phone numbers, and then started to harass me again.

     It took me about 15 minutes from the time I received the first call to figure this out. She admitted when I confronted her.

     Beast always has had an evil laugh-like roar when she was feeling bulletproof and when she felt like she had won. When I asked her, she answered with this annoying, roar-like laugh.

     I didn’t change my number again for at least another year. I had ignored the calls and I didn’t even set up me voice mail, just to avoid that beastly bitch.

     In the meantime, she called our house and left messages on the voice mail informing me and my wife about how wonder she believed her life was.

     She called stating that she had the perfect man, although he was nothing but a drug addict, wanna-be pretending-to-be recover-er.

     She went on to tell us in other messages how they were planning the perfect marriage somewhere in the tropics, but the funny about that was it was planned for the middle of summer.

     I am not at all bitter, nor do I have any resent toward her, but I hated her. I hated her as each phone call came in. I didn’t realize at first why she had to take the time from her “perfect relationship” to tell me and my wife how she was living the perfect life.

     If she was living so prosperously, then why did she have to tell me? Did she think she was I going to be jealous? Did she try to make me want her back?

     I didn’ t want anything to do with her after I had moved out of her cave of a house a year earlier. I tried to forget she even existed. My wife tried to forget she existed, but for some reason beast found the need to keep on calling and reminding us she was around.

     And that’s what I finally concluded in my questioning of why she keeps trying to have contact with me, and my wife.

     She was miserable. She wanted to try to get information out of us as to what we were up to, possibly to see if we were miserable also. We never did give her any kind of fuel, therefore the constant phone calls.

     Beast even found out we got married by looking it up in some kind of state records. She was very crafty with the Internet and a phone.

     All the harassing went on for a good, steady, year and a half until…..

My Story…Part 63

     I eventually moved in with my girlfriend. We had made things work so well that it just felt right. We tested the waters a lot of times, mainly one week over Easter break in 2006.

     She had stayed at my house the entire week. We went to work, and hung out at the house. She stayed the entire week, sleeping, showering, eating. What I am trying to say is she never went back to her place.

     It was a fun week. We really didn’t know what to expect. But it worked. It seemed to always work from then on, too.

     We moved into an apartment a month after my divorce. Our kids all got along, which made this whole arrangement the easier, and proved that this was a good thing.

     On the other hand, my girlfriend and I kept getting threatening calls and emails, and texts from the beast. She didn’t like the fact we were together and she was trying everything to get us to break.

     We didn’t.

     She even had her boyfriend try to get to us, which we thought was a joke. He was always quick to flick me the finger, or talk some kind of shit through the phone.

     My response to him, who was about 6 years younger than beast, was to go do another line, or shoot up in another vein, or do another shot.

     It was always the way my girlfriend and I could defend ourselves after getting harassed to the point where we shot insults back.

     After living with my girlfriend for about 6 months, we got engaged and within 2 weeks got married at a courthouse. We did it as a secret.

     We did not tell anyone. Friends, family, co-workers, nobody knew. They all knew we were engaged and had planned a summer wedding, but had no clue we were thinking of sneaking off and getting married like we did.

     It took about a week and a half before my wife had spilled the beans on accident to her mother. Thankfully her mom was very happy, surprised, but happy for us.

     Everyone else we told were surprised, also. They all liked my wife, and had thought she was a good woman for me. They all said that I needed a good wife, who had respect, and was fun and loving, and that I had finally found her.

     They also told me not to fuck this marriage up. Along with them, I knew how good of a thing I had going.

Arguing With My Wife

     This day was such a ridiculous day, and it peaked with an argument with my wife about stupid dinner.

     We have had a house full of kids all day today, and she decided on lunch. We are both tired of fast food, so I went to the store and bought what she wanted, so we could make lunch.

     This evening, dinner came. She started to ask what I wanted. I told her I had no clue, then I made the fatal mistake of nodding off for half an hour.

     When I awoke, my lovely wife was irritated and told me that since she chose lunch, it was my turn to pick dinner.

     I had no clue what I wanted, so I talked her into coming to the store with me to help decide. The reason I didn’t buy this earlier was because she told me to just get the lunch food and we will cross the dinner bridge when we get to it.

     Well this bridge was a monster! We get to the store, we can’t decide. The kids put in a request for hot dogs and Velveeta macaroni. At first we shot the idea down. The next thing I know, after several suggestions on my part, she tosses hot dogs and buns into the cart.

     We check out, load the truck up and drive away. The following  conversation takes place:

    Her: Well this dinner is gonna suck. I guess I’ll starve.

    Me: What are you talking about? You put that shit into the cart. I suggested to barbecue something. But you said that was a stupid idea because it’s zero degrees outside.

     Her: Yeah! Who the hell does that in cold weather? And you wanted pork chops and I don’t like them.

     Me: Well you liked the last time I made them.

     Her: Well I hope you enjoy dinner tonight. I hate hot dogs. I guess I’ll just starve.

     This is where I snap. I wish I could be less of an asshole in times like this. We have been fighting all weekend long, and I have been trying to keep my cool, when I blow up.

     Me: Fine! Starve! And I refuse to feel sorry for you when we are all eating and your not. I can make you something we have in the freezer.

     Her: I don’t want that shit.

     Me: Fuck it then. I offered. We even came to the store. You could have picked something that you wanted. You didn’t. So you are starving on your own. It’s your fault.

     Her: You don’t have to be an asshole about it. I asked you what you wanted earlier and you wanted to sleep.

     Me: What’s the difference between talking about it then or walking around and talking about it while we shop for it?

     Her: Because I don’t wanna walk around and talk. I want to come here already knowing what we are getting.

     Me: Whatever. It’s all on you.

     I eventually threw her something together to eat. But it was a half-ass dinner. The kids and I ate like royalty if you consider hot dogs and Velveeta macaroni royalty food.

     I just hope that tomorrow is a better day. This fighting may be caused by the snow storm and us being locked up in the house.

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July 2018
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