Archive for the 'medical' Category

Baby-Making With An IUI

     My wife and I are on a mission to make a baby. I have written, in this blog, all about our experiences during our journey to make a baby. We have had close calls, we had our hopes fade, and we have had disappointments. But then we would try again the following month, repeating this cycle.

     I am going to sum up the journey so far, and to get myself acquainted with what I have written, and not written, to this point.

     Fifteen months ago, I had a vasectomy reversal. It was a good decision because it gave my wife and I the chance to make a baby. We had decided to try right before we got married a year earlier. We were excited and willing to “do the do” on time, every month, like clockwork.

     So I got reversed, and a month later the trying began. Every month, according to my wife’s clock and her calendar and her “piss sticks” and most of all, her say-so, we tried.  It was fun for the first couple months. Then frustration set in. Then it became work. Never had I thought that having sex would be work and I would feel pressured.

     Along the way, I had taken in 3 sperm samples to see what my army of baby-makers were up to. I found out they were there. Plenty of them. Some 20 million of them. But they were slow, almost inactive, but they were there. And that’s what mattered because we were able to keep trying.

     Several months went by and my wife and I got to the point where we weren’t watching the calendar anymore. We were doing the deed when we wanted. We tried to take the pressure off. This didn’t work either.

     We talked to a urologist and got advise on what to try to do to help. This is where he hit us with trying IUI, intrauterine insemination. This is a procedure where, after I produce sperm sample, they take it out, and put it in my wife’s uterus.

     My wife was instructed to pay attention to her ovulation times of the month. She bought a First Response pregnancy kit, where she has to urinate on one and it tells her of her hormonal levels, also known as her LH surge. When it peaks, we are to come into the clinic the following day and they will perform the IUI.

     When her levels are high, she has an egg in her uterus. When the IUI is performed, sperm is shot into the uterus. This procedure, in real easy terms, is putting the boy in the same room as the girl without having him have to walk through the front door, walk down a hallway and enter her room. This procedure skips the journey and puts the boy in the same room immediately.

     This procedure was performed a week and a half ago. We are waiting to see if this works. I hope it does. My beautiful wife hopes it does, too. I know my sperm are slow and lazy. I refer to them as a bunch of fat, lazy kids playing video games while eating licorice. I hope that with them being put in the uterus with her egg will motivate them to move their asses and hook up and get my wife pregnant.

     I hope to have news in the next week or so. Until then, I will treat my wife as if she is “with child” by not letting her do any strenuous chores, although the doctor told her to go about living life the same as usual. But until we know, we will wait.

What Do You Mean I’m Too Big?!?!

     I hurt my elbow at work last week and I filed paperwork about it with my supervisor, just to cover my ass in case it’s seriously screwed up.

     He asked me if I would be interested in seeing the company physical therapist before I go to the clinic. You see, people who get hurt immediately wanna run to the clinic and work it so they can have time off.

     I’m not like that. I wanted to try to “walk it off”. But it continued to hurt, right through the weekend. So I agreed to go see the physical therapist, who I went to today.

     He asked me several questions about how I hurt it, what kind of work I been doing since I hurt it, then he asked me what I do outside of work as far as keeping in shape.

     I told him that I run and that I am working on training to run in another marathon.

     Then he hit me with…

     “You’re too big big to be a runner!”

     What the hell?

    Here are my measurements. I stand at 6’4″ and I weigh 225. I am not fat, I have been losing weight in the past 3 months that I have been running again, and I am determined to drop more pounds and add up more miles.

     But his comment threw me for a loop! Who the hell is he to say such a thing? I ran a marathon, I ran cross country in high school, and I was All-State in track!

     Too big?

     He said that taller and bigger people aren’t made for running. Something about the knees. I know this. I have fought off a few knee problems, a few ankle problems, and I came out all right.

     This is just going to make my determination even stronger to prove, to yet another person, that I can do this.

     By the way, he gave me some exercises to work out my elbow problem and it’s starting to feel better already.

Third-Hand Smoke?

     We all know about first-hand smoke. This is the obvious one, where the person with the cigarette in their hand puts it onto their lips and inhales it deep into the lungs, holds it there for a second or four, then exhales, leaving the smoker feeling a bit of a relaxing, calming buzz.

     Then then there is the second-hand smoke. This is where a non-smoker is in the presence of a smoker. The smoker exhales and blows out smoke into the air, along with the burning cigarette. Air in which the non-smoker inhales.

     Then there is third-hand smoke.

     Third-hand smoke is where the smoke from a cigarette and out of a smoker’s lungs is absorbed into the area where the smoking occurs. It is absorbed into the carpet or upholstery of a car.

     It is absorbed in the carpet or furniture of a living room.

     It is even absorbed into the skin, clothes, and hair of the smoker, and even non-smoker, if they so happen to be in a smoke-filled environment.

     The point I am trying to make is that us parents can be neive when we think that going outside for a puff to hide it from our kids really isn’t hiding jack shit!

     We can come back indoors and when our kids come sit on our laprs or come give us a hug, they are inhaling the third-hand smoke.

     Third-hand smoke consists of all the lovely ingredients contained in cigarettes such as nicotine, lead, ammonia, arsenic and all kinds of other fun things we think we are hiding from our kids, but actually they are ingesting anyway.

     Smoking in your car?

     Those seats you put your babies and other children in, are filled with these toxins from the smoke off cigarettes.

     Just because you think you are hiding the fact you smoke from your kids and think they can’t see you doesn’t mean ass! They are still ingesting it into their lungs and little bodies.

     I am not preaching, I am just trying to get the word out on something I just found out today.

Vasectomy Reversal Update 8

     I had my vasectomy reversed back on November 21, and I have been living the life of a fertile man again.

     My wife and I have been trying to have a baby since 3 weeks after the surgery, which happened to be her most fertile time.

     The doctor told us to wait until after I had a sperm analysis four weeks after the surgery. He also told us not not to try getting pregnant until the analysis was done and results were in.

     But we broke that rule. I had been ejaculating on a daily basis, on the doctor’s orders, and we thought we would try and see what happens.

     Well as far as we know, she is not pregnant yet, but I did have the analysis this past Monday, December 29.

     I had to ejaculate into a cup with a screw-on lid and take in to the lab for analysis.

     So I did this, then raced it to the lab and dropped it off. The nurse and secretary told me to wait until the next day for my results.

     All this time, from the surgery until now, I had been worried that maybe this won’t work. There is a chance that what the doctor had opened up, may have close itself back up when healing. This was my fear.

     But I had been ejaculating to keep those “lines” open and to keep them from healing shut. I had hoped that I was doing something good.

     I was!

     The results came back and I passed with absolute flying colors! The average male has 20 million sperm per milliliter. The nurse told me that I was at 58 sperm per milliliter!

     I was so thrilled that the surgery worked. I felt like a real man, over-achieving in my count, and I also told my wife that I was going to get her pregnant by just looking at her!

     I was instructed to keep on ejaculating as frequent as I am, because the sperm are swimming slowly, and I need to keep moving them out until I can produce a whole new “army” of fast ones.

     The nurse said it should be no problem and that within a month if I keep it up, I will have normally active sperm.

     So we are hoping for the best, and I am working on the restoration of my “army”. The factory is now starting to produce!! WHOO HOO!!!

Vasectomy Reversal Recovery Moving Along Well

     It has been 11 days since I had got my vasectomy reversed. I know I wrote about it in an earlier post, but I want to get into how this is going so far.

     The first few days I was tender, I admit. It was a tender sensation on and in the bag. The ropes that hold things up were what I was feeling.

     The 4th day was the day I had to begin ejaculating. I was instructed by the doctor to do that at least every other day. He also joked and said if I felt up to it, I could do so every day. This is to wash out the old, stagnant sperm and replenish them with newer, hopefully more acive, ones.

     When I finally did ejaculate that morning, it felt as though I was shooting a golf ball through a garden hose. it did not hurt, but I could practically feel the whole journey my sperm took. There was also a hint of pinkish in my “output”. I called and found out that was normal.

     Later that day I felt a little pain. I took it easy and laid on the couch and took more Vicodin and was hoping this was not a bad sign. I began to get delusions of the “patchwork” the doctor did had blown apart. But all ended up being well.

     My scrotum had turned some nice shades of purple and blue in small areas near my body. The bruising is natural. This was the same day I had stopped using my whitey tighties and got back into my boxers.

     What a relief! I felt better and then the boys began to feel better.

     I have been keeping up with my doctor’s orders on a daily basis. My wife is a good sport and participates most of the time, the other times she leaves the room and lets me “work out the juices”. All this is kinda like a free pass, since I actually do have a mission, and I get to enjoy myself along the way, with my wife or not. He He!

     And one more thing before I wrap this up. Remember in Superman 2 (I believe it was) when he gave up his powers and transformed into a human? I kinda felt like him.

     When my wife I had sex for the first time after the surgery, I felt like I had transformed into something I never thought I would ever be again, FERTILE! I felt like I was a different man. I felt like this was a good thing that I did, and I hope all this pays off in the end. It’s all worth it!

Vasectomy Reversal Recovery Time

     It has been 4 days since I had had my vasectomy reversed. I am in a little bit of pain still, but I believe I am through the worst of it.

     The procedure went fine and according to the doctor it was successful. He said his last couple reversals were difficult and he was thinking he was due for an easy one, and I was it, the easy one. Whew!

     The nurse gave me Xanax upon my arrival and within 20 minutes almost all my nerves were calmed down. I was extremely nervous about having this. But I calmed down, and then they took me to the room where I was to have the surgery.

     They had me remove my pants and put on my brand new whitey tighties and have those down to my ankles. This was to make it easier to pull back up when I was finished. I laid down on the table and turned on my iPod and I tried to fall asleep. I never did sleep, but I was really relaxed.

     The doctor gave me 3 shots, one directly into my scrotum, the other two went right into my “supply lines” of my testes. I would be lying if I said those shots didn’t hurt. They did. Then I was numb and the doctor was on his way.

     He did my left side first, then he did my right side. I was out of there in an hour and a half. No big deal. My wife drove home, we had pizza, I ate a couple of Vicodin and I was out for the rest of the night.

     Saturday I felt alot better, little pain. Sunday I felt even better, with a little pain and Monday even better, pain almost gone. I called the doctor and asked if I had to wait the 4 days before I ejaculated. He said no if I felt up to it. The ejaculation is to clean out the dormant sperm, and to get the juices flowing through the lines, to open them up and let sperm pass through. It’s been almost 6 years since my sperm have traveled this road.

     After ejaculating, I had a little pain in my lines. There was also a faint pink color. I called the doctor and he said that is natural. I am healing and there may be a hint of blood in my sperm. Only if I see more blood or experience more pain do I need to call him and come back in.

     For now, I am still laying around. I have watched so much tv, sports, movies, news and taken alot of naps due to the Vicodin. I am not quite ready to take on the world just yet because it looks like we have alot of snow out there, and who wants to go out there if you don’t have to. I’ll send my wife!!

My Vasectomy Reversal Is Tomorrow

     Well, this is it! The night before I go to the doctor’s office and get my vasectomy reversed. I am nervous about this. Nervous because of fear, actually.

     Fear that something may go wrong and I may have pain for the rest of my life. Fear that this may not work and I won’t be able to get my wife pregnant. Fear of getting cut open and having a doctor fiddle around with the strings that my beans are connected to.

     I know, also, that I will be fine. I know that I will be okay and this will all work out. I know it’s a gamble, but I believe it will work and I actually feel like I will get my wife pregnant within 6 months.

     Tonight we ate a delicious Polish dinner, I did the laundry, taped up a bedroom for my wife to paint, at her request, and I took care of other odds and ends to help make her life a little easier because I will be down and out for 4 days following the surgery.

     I have to sit back and relax, in the brand new whitey-tighties my wife just bought me, with ice packs and the remote control. The couch will be my new home inside my home. I will take Vicodin as needed and I will just chill out. Who am I to go against doctor’s orders?

     But this is it! My last night of shooting blanks. Tomorrow my plumbing will be hooked back up. The power will be wired back in. The factory will begin putting out products. The sperm will flow. The bullets will be loaded. There will be meaning behind each shot.

     My wife’s poor little eggs. They are going to be attacked by an army that has been held back too long. They have no idea what’s coming their way!


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