Archive for the 'people' Category

Tipped Her On The Looks Of Her Ass

     I went to our local restaurant tonight to pick up dinner tonight. It was the type of restaurant where they run your food out to you after calling in your order on the phone. It’s fast, it’s easy, and you get the dinner without having to eat there. You can eat it in your own house.

     That’s what makes Applebee’s so convenient.

     As I sat and waited for my turn in the parking spaces provided for the drivers, I had the luxury of watching the one chick running food and money back and forth, in and out of the restaurant. Then I noticed something. Her ass.

     She had a pair of pants on that accentuated her ass. Tight, low-cut jeans that gripped her buns and kept it looking firm and fit.

     I watched her as she ran to and fro. Then it was my turn. She handed my food to me, I paid her, and I think I tipped her more for her ass than I was going to tip her.

     Which makes me ask this, do these women wear these types of clothes to haul in more in tips?

     I live in Michigan. It just snowed seven inches last night and today. It’s cold out. So us Michiganders don’t have the luxury of year-round, scantily clothed people. She was not wearing shorts, or a bikini, or a pair of spandex. These were just jeans.

     Do people tip these waiters and waitresses for how they look? What if she was ugly? What if she was a lardass? What if she had a horrible body? What if she had a nasty attitude?

     What if she was wearing a see-through shirt, where her nipples were busting through just enough to make one question if they saw what they think they saw? What if she had pants on to show cameltoe? What if she was flirty?

     Would I have tipped her any different for any of the above reasons? Maybe. Maybe not. How about you? What do you think?

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Grandpa

     I think I may have walked into his room too fast. Too fast to prepare myself for what I had gone there for. It’s as if I purposely threw myself into his room as if I was peeling a band-aid off real fast.

     When I walked into my Grandpa’s room, I saw him laying in his bed. Sleeping. His mouth open, breathing in air, and exhaling. In a rhythmnic way. He had an eye half open, the other was closed. It was as if he was watching the room, but yet he appeared to be asleep, like I remember him sleeping on his favorite chair in the livingroom of his house when I was a kid.

     My grandpa was a big, strong man. Wide shoulders, thick arms, solid body and head full of hair. Not in recent years. Especially not today. Grandpa is all bones now. I had just seen him a couple days earlier. He was thin, of course, but certainly not like this. I don’t know how, but it’s as if he lost even more weight.

     He lay on his bed, in a sack of skin and bones. His ribs clearly outlined in his button-down flannel shirt. His pelvis was visible, as he was holding the bottom of his shirt in his soft fists. His hands were bruised from ivies and shots he received from the past few weeks. Those bruises never healed. His hands, which were big and thick and strong, have given in to age, and deterioration of health, were not my Grandpa’s hands anymore. He is not himself anymore. His age and his dying body now has the best of him.

     My Grandpa lived a healthy, long life. My Grandma passed away just under three years ago. My Grandpa is the last of his generation in my family. He outlived his brothers and sister. He was one of the oldest in his family, and he lived the longest. I think my Grandma has alot to do with it. She kept him in line. She kept him eating healthy. She kept his heart and his affection. She was his beloved wife. She took care of him.

     As I write this, I am saddened that he passed away a few hours ago. I started to write this last night, but could not finish. I loved my Grandpa and my Grandma very much. I wish I had spent more time with them than I did. But I spent alot of time with them nontheless. I have loads of fond memories of times with them. Now they are gone. It’s strange that I lived as long as I have with Grandparents. Most of my friends lost their’s long ago.

     Now they are in a better place. Reunited with loved ones. I know they are having fun. I know they are giving each other those kisses that made me feel funny to see. And I know the family will be ok. Because they will watch over us all, and all will be fine.

What Do You Mean I’m Too Big?!?!

     I hurt my elbow at work last week and I filed paperwork about it with my supervisor, just to cover my ass in case it’s seriously screwed up.

     He asked me if I would be interested in seeing the company physical therapist before I go to the clinic. You see, people who get hurt immediately wanna run to the clinic and work it so they can have time off.

     I’m not like that. I wanted to try to “walk it off”. But it continued to hurt, right through the weekend. So I agreed to go see the physical therapist, who I went to today.

     He asked me several questions about how I hurt it, what kind of work I been doing since I hurt it, then he asked me what I do outside of work as far as keeping in shape.

     I told him that I run and that I am working on training to run in another marathon.

     Then he hit me with…

     “You’re too big big to be a runner!”

     What the hell?

    Here are my measurements. I stand at 6’4″ and I weigh 225. I am not fat, I have been losing weight in the past 3 months that I have been running again, and I am determined to drop more pounds and add up more miles.

     But his comment threw me for a loop! Who the hell is he to say such a thing? I ran a marathon, I ran cross country in high school, and I was All-State in track!

     Too big?

     He said that taller and bigger people aren’t made for running. Something about the knees. I know this. I have fought off a few knee problems, a few ankle problems, and I came out all right.

     This is just going to make my determination even stronger to prove, to yet another person, that I can do this.

     By the way, he gave me some exercises to work out my elbow problem and it’s starting to feel better already.

A Few New Ideas And One Stolen

     I have been thinking lately about a few things and I want to pour my ideas out on here. I am curious about what kind of reaction they will bring out in people.

     First, the idea of Pussy Roulette. I was thinking that this could be a new term for a dude who is screwing around by banging a bunch of different chicks behind their backs.

     Sooner or later one of them will find out what’s going on and then the whole charade will come to an immediate halt because she will inform the other or others of what this dude is doing. Thus the name, Pussy Roulette.

     Second idea has to do with Halloween costumes. Mainly ones having to do with professional athletes who have been in trouble recently.

     Michael Vick football jersey, all chewed up, torn up, dirty and bloody, resembling a dog fight you attempted to step into the middle of.

     Plaxico Burress pants with a gun in the pocket and two holes through a pant leg with blood dripping from them. Don’t forget to wear a lot of bling and have plenty of cash, since the gun is supposed to protect you and your bling and cash at a nightclub.

     Charles Barkley shirt rolled up over belly and pants unzipped with lipstick on the fly from the blow job.

     Third idea, instead of buying stars from Rocky Mozell and his Star Registry crap, why not buy a droplet of water. Maybe in the form of a raindrop or a snowflake. Just like the star, you will never see it again, but your money was easily spent on an idea you thought was good at the time.

     And my fourth idea has to do with collegiate athletes. Why can’t one be a total stud and come out of college, sign a huge contract with a team and as many sponsors as he can? When the contract is over, never play again and use the excuse of how all he ever wanted to do was make a ton of money and then live off it for the rest of his life.

     Maybe my mind needs to take a break for a while.

Grocery Store Employees

     I was at the local grocery store chain earlier this afternoon when I happened to witness an almost bad situation in the parking lot.

     It involved an old man behind the wheel of his Buick. He appeared to have zero clue about where he was or what he was doing.

     He was stopped at the entrance of the store. There is a stop sign there, allowing customers to cross the “roadway” from their cars to the front door of the store.

     For no reason at all, he began to back up! In the roadway!

     Behind him was an employee from the store, walking a train of grocery carts into the special doors of the store for just those carts.

     The old man came within inches from hitting this kid. The kid had the carts past the rear bumper of the Buick, but he was still there and he almost got hit.

     This dude had to literally jump out of the way from this car and the old man driving it. Had this kid been daydreaming, he may have got hit.

     So I started to wonder, how many of these grocery store employees get nailed by cars while pushing that grocery cart train around the parking lot in a year?

     I have to imagine that a lot of them do get hit and that’s very unfortunate.

Did You Know That…

     …when a women farts when wearing a thong, the noise is the exact same as when air blown upon a grass blade between two thumbs does?

     …some men actually pluck hairs out of their nose and ears with their fingers rather that cutting them out?

     …a elephant can be pregnant up to 18 months?

     …French toilets actually slide out of a wall, and can only be the bowl part. When someone is done using it, the bowl will slide back into the wall and be hosed off and things are rinsed away into a drain that is inside a wall?

     …sucking dick and eating pussy is starting to become a reason men and women are getting oral cancer?

     …drinking too much water can actually expand the brain and kill you?

     …the planet earth’s fresh water supply is running out?

     …this chick, Megan Hauserman, from “Rock of Love” and “Charm School” on Vh1, actually has a college degree?

hot-hot-hauserman_512x769

     … I actuall thought she was hot until I found out she is going to be on another Vh1 show called “I Love Money” where a group of millionaires will be trying to win her over by impressing her with their wallets, charm, and over-all stupidity?

New Year’s Eve Parties Are STUPID!!!

     I have never, for as long as I was aware of the “ball dropping”, understood why people party on New year’s Eve.

     What’s the point?

     All this celebrating the start of a new year? A new month?

     Why don’t we have these parties on July 31 when July ends and August begins?

     On New Year’s Eve, people  get all bundled up and take to the streets of their major city, and count down with a clock to the new year. Then when the time changes the date changes and then all sorts of noise from noise makers, screaming, shit flying in the air, kissing, and drinking just because the calendar changes.

     Stupid.

     What for?

     Too much hype over stupid shit stuff.


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