Posts Tagged 'Halloween'

Halloween Bitching

     I am gonna bitch about this year’s Halloween, OK?

     The time change. Why in the hell aren’t our clocks set back an hour already? We should be in Daylight Savings Time! So today, when the kids were all out starting to trick or treat, the damn sun was still lighting up the sky!

     What the hell? Why didn’t these kids just start their pursuit for candy at noon? Or, more reasonably, when they got home from school?

     Thanks alot, you asshole, for changing the weekend we set clocks back!

     Which leads me to this! WHY do we have this stupid Daylight Savings Time? Do we REALLY save daylight hours and use less electricity and energy? Come on.

     All I know is, I remember doing this since I was a teen. It was the same weekend every year. The last weekend of October.

     I don’t care who I piss off with this next statement, but this is gotta be that jerk-off George W.’s idea. He messed everything else up. So I am gonna add this to the list of his fuck ups.

     I guess we will have to do this Halloween thing in the gosh damn daylight a few years to get used to it. All because of our self-absorbed, clueless, egotistical, in-it-for-himself and friends, President Bush!

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Target And Men Do Not Mix

     Every man who has a wife or girlfriend knows exactly where I am going with this post. Just as every woman who has ever dragged a man into a Target store knows just how excrutiating it is to have her man go there with her who wants absolutley nothing to do with that place.

     I am speaking from experience, stories gathered from other men, and just watching other men’s body language (slumped shoulders, dragging feet, and drool) while I have been there the last few times.

     We don’t like being there. We think it’s a never ending maze of HELL!! It has everything in there that makes women stop down every aisle. Bathroom linens, bedroom linens, clothes, books, a mini supermarket, toys, furniture, and knick-knack things that makes a woman want to get every one of because they are so sure they can find something to do with it.

     Let’s not forget about the seasonal sections they shove in that place. Christmas, Easter and Halloween junk. Tons of it. So many things to choose from if you wanna decorate your house. And my wife makes absolute sure she looks at all of it. Every item.

     I don’t like going there with my wife because we stop at every section. We enter the doors and right away I want to turn right around. I feel a sense of needing to take a nap. For some reason that place makes me extremely sleepy.

     We enter the front doors and it’s right straight to the women’s clothes. She hims and hawns over the seasonal clothing. Then it’s over to the shoes. These two stops are a given. Then were off to no man’s land! She just wanders and wanders. It doesn’t matter how much I complain, or try to hurry her up, or how fast I push the cart (stupid red cart) I won’t make speed up the shopping experience.

     There are three cool areas of that store. The sporting goods, the media section, and the electronics. Those are men friendly. It’s like Mr. Target, or George Dayton, or whoever owned Target when it originally opened, knew men would be dragged in that place by their wives and they needed to add a little something to make it less agonizing.

     I do, however, like going there when I am on a mission all by myself. I know exactly where to go (thanks to the many trips with my wife) to get what I am after. I grab what I went there for and I can quickly go through one of the many checkout counters and be back in my car within minutes.

     It’s not a bad place to shop for a man when he is alone. And I understand why women love that place so much that it’s an addiction. But when a man, a woman and Target meet, it’s absolute HELL for the man!


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