Posts Tagged 'marriage'


     I think I may have walked into his room too fast. Too fast to prepare myself for what I had gone there for. It’s as if I purposely threw myself into his room as if I was peeling a band-aid off real fast.

     When I walked into my Grandpa’s room, I saw him laying in his bed. Sleeping. His mouth open, breathing in air, and exhaling. In a rhythmnic way. He had an eye half open, the other was closed. It was as if he was watching the room, but yet he appeared to be asleep, like I remember him sleeping on his favorite chair in the livingroom of his house when I was a kid.

     My grandpa was a big, strong man. Wide shoulders, thick arms, solid body and head full of hair. Not in recent years. Especially not today. Grandpa is all bones now. I had just seen him a couple days earlier. He was thin, of course, but certainly not like this. I don’t know how, but it’s as if he lost even more weight.

     He lay on his bed, in a sack of skin and bones. His ribs clearly outlined in his button-down flannel shirt. His pelvis was visible, as he was holding the bottom of his shirt in his soft fists. His hands were bruised from ivies and shots he received from the past few weeks. Those bruises never healed. His hands, which were big and thick and strong, have given in to age, and deterioration of health, were not my Grandpa’s hands anymore. He is not himself anymore. His age and his dying body now has the best of him.

     My Grandpa lived a healthy, long life. My Grandma passed away just under three years ago. My Grandpa is the last of his generation in my family. He outlived his brothers and sister. He was one of the oldest in his family, and he lived the longest. I think my Grandma has alot to do with it. She kept him in line. She kept him eating healthy. She kept his heart and his affection. She was his beloved wife. She took care of him.

     As I write this, I am saddened that he passed away a few hours ago. I started to write this last night, but could not finish. I loved my Grandpa and my Grandma very much. I wish I had spent more time with them than I did. But I spent alot of time with them nontheless. I have loads of fond memories of times with them. Now they are gone. It’s strange that I lived as long as I have with Grandparents. Most of my friends lost their’s long ago.

     Now they are in a better place. Reunited with loved ones. I know they are having fun. I know they are giving each other those kisses that made me feel funny to see. And I know the family will be ok. Because they will watch over us all, and all will be fine.

My Story…Part 32

     I took one of my daughters to her soccer game where I started to talk to the opposing coach. We were the first ones to arrive at the field and no one else was around.

     I struck up the conversation with innocent talk about the game, how the season was going and how the kids were having fun. It was small talk until this coach turned it into her personal information.

     She started to pour out all this stuff about how bad her life was the past few days. Her boyfriend, who was also the father of her daughter, pushed her around and the cops came, and he was arrested out in the street without shoes, blah blah, blah.

     I felt kind of sorry for her, and embarrassed because we were total strangers, so I started to tell her about some of the stuff I had recently been through. By the end of the soccer games, I had got her phone number.

     She had asked me for mine, which I promptly gave her my cell number. She then asked for my house phone number. I thought that was a peculiar question, but I gave her that too. I later asked her what that was all about and she said it was a trust issue. She did not trust me.

     We talked for the next few days on the phone. But something had happened that was a sign that I should have run away from and never looked back. But I didn’t. We got into an argument over some small thing.

     I talked to a buddy of mine about it and we had a good laugh. This chick I had just met and never hung out with, got into an argument with me. He told me to run. What I did was not call her for a day or two. She called me. And apologized.

     I gave in and accepted her apology. This was the first of all the stupid moves I would make for the next 4 years of my life. This period of my life could be a bestseller if I ever wanted to make time and write it all out. But on here, I will give quick details of the hell I went through, emotionally, financially, and sometimes physically.

     Why didn’t I run? Because I felt I needed to prove to everyone I knew that I could be marriage material. That I wanted to prove that I could be faithful in a marriage and I didn’t want to be alone. I have since learned that these are things that make up a destructive lifestyle, when you have to prove things to people. When you actually care about what others think.

     I have grown up alot and learned invaluable lessons in life since my first divorce back in 2002. This fsecond marriage was a total smack in the back of the head and a wake up call.

My Story…Part 28

     We went up to northern Michigan to spend a few days alone. My wife at the time and I were to be alone, talk out our problems, and try to rekindle our marriage. Why I decided to go? I don’t know. Maybe I thought it would work out, that we could work out. But I was sabotaging the who reason we went up there.

     I did that by sneaking away and calling the girl in Nebraska. I called to tell her what we were doing, to see how she was, and to make my own life miserable. I didn’t do this on purpose, I did it on accident.

     I was in a mental fog. I didn’t know what I wanted. I knew that I was on the cusp of really destroying my life. I just could not think clearly. I was wanting too much from my wife at the time, but I felt I was getting that from the Nebraska girl, who I met in person just a month before this trip.

     I was acting like a fool and I could not get out of the fog I was in. It was like I was driving in a heavy fog with the gas pedal all the way to floor and my hands on my lap. I had no control over what I was doing because I was so wrapped up in trying to make myself happy no matter the cost.

     The only thing I knew, was that I could really mess up my life. I felt that my kids were young enough that they would not be affected by what might happen to their parent’s marriage. We were both good parents to them. So I knew that no matter what happened, they would be ok.

     My wife at the time caught me on the phone, for what would be her last time. I was outside in the parking lot talking to the Nebraska girl. Stupid me didn’t realize that our room faced the car in the lot. I was all turned around in the hotel that I didn’t know how the room sat.

     When I came back up to the room, she accused me of being on the phone. I admitted that I was and I admitted who I was on the phone with. She did not cry. She did not get mad. I think she knew that no matter what happened, no matter how hard she tried, this marriage was about to be ended. She knew I was emotionally out.

     We went home the next day as planned. My wife at the time said she wanted to see a marriage counselor. I was not going for that. I told her there was no reason for it. But she wanted to, to see if we could save this marriage.

     We went a week after our trip. It was nothing at all what I had expected. I also did not realize how one-sided these people can be.

Wonderful Wife

     As I begin this journey of pouring out my guts and exposing myself to the entire universe, I want to make it absolutley clear that I am deeply in love with my wife. She is a person who just gets better and more loving as the days pass on.

     I will write about her and our life together in concert with the story I am trying to tell. Life isn’t going to stop for me to write about the past then continue once I have caught up.  But there is something I would like to tell about my wife that happened just yesterday that makes me put this up on here.

     But Isn’t life so much easier when you have a spouse that actually listens? One that actually works with their counterpart? One that actually is easy to get along with?

      I have realized this for quite some time about my wonderful wife. I DO, in fact know, how easy I have it. She listens and reacts. It’s almost too easy. I am grateful for her and count my blessings for having her. 

     I am not saying I don’t do the same for her. I try to, too. But I am a dude. This whole topic stemmed up from her just staring at me yesterday afternoon and asking me what I was thinking of. I wasn’t thinking of anything. Tigers baseball was on tv. The only thing I was thinking of is why do they constantly swing at the first pitch!?!?! That’s another blog all in itself.

     She said men have it easy. Men are simple people. They don’t need too much. Her theory is that dudes need food, sleep, entertainment, and sex. And you know? She’s kinda right!

     But as I was saying how wonderful she is, she is! She is not high maintenance, which means she doesn’t cry over spilled milk, doesn’t need to all dolled up with makeup and nice clothes EVERY SINGLE DAY! That crap gets old REAL quick! And she doesn’t need me to be at her side 24-7. It’s real nice.

     We had a little discussion about what makes each other mad about the other. Nothing came up. We were being truthful. But we did have some things that we told the other that was irritating. Ok. We agreed to work on our ends and off we went. 

     Marriage isn’t that hard when you can actually sit down with your spouse and throw all your needs, irritants, and concerns on the table and know full well the other person isn’t going to fly off the handle. You know they will hold their end up by either working it out as a team or coming up with a compromise that will work for both parties.

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August 2020